I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
