I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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