You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
