Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
