I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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