You're my little dorito
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
