Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
