the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Who died my cat blue again?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
