i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
