I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
