My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
my liver is dry heaving
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I currently don't understand fingers.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
