I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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