Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
