the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
