dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
