i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
