ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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