haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
