insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
