you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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