My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
