Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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