did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
