Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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