Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
