I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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