return my video game
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
