girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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