you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Every concussion has its silver lining
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
