Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
