Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
