Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
