Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
