doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
