We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I deserve this hangover.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
