2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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