what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
