Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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