I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
