life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I could fuck to npr.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
