just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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