Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
