Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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