Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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