mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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