can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
