he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
