WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
