scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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