i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
As shirtless as possible
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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