There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You were trust falling into bushes
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
