I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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