remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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