I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
should my penis look like a turkey
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
