So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm like, not good at living.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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