I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
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Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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