So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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