hotel room ftw
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
