You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
