omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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