No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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