How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
