So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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