i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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