Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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