Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
