Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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