did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
