HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
