so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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