tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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